“I walked away from Alice, the love of my life”: same sex attraction and the cost of discipleship

Obedience to God’s word truly offers a quality of life that far exceeds the cost of commitment.

The angels may well have been rejoicing in heaven at the moment of my conversion, but joy was far from me. I knew that what I was doing was right, but I cried tears of sorrow knowing, at least in part, the immediate cost of taking up the cross of obedient discipleship. I walked away from Alice, the love of my life, a keenly anticipated future, and a mindset that had been fashioned over a 25-year period.


This moving story of one woman’s struggle to remain faithful to the Bible’s teaching is one example of the many thousands in our churches…

Alice was everything I had ever wanted in a partner. After two previous long-term relationships and a few dalliances, I just knew that she was “it”. We were destined to grow old together.

And then randomly, as a non-believer, I started reading the Bible.

When I wasn’t at work, I had my head stuck in this book, and was devouring every word in front of me. During the subsequent months, although I don’t recall reading any of the specific passages, I came to realise that my gay life and behaviour were simply not compatible with this holy and all-powerful God. I just knew that I couldn’t become a Christian and continue with life as I knew it.

This left me in a dilemma, for I had only been attracted to my own gender since childhood. The sense of feeling different began around the age of three and only ever deepened and clarified as I entered puberty. While my friends at school started to drool over pictures of pop stars and became giddy at the sight of certain lads from the boys’ school, I longed to be the recipient of their affection. I longed to love and be loved. In the 1970s, however, these were not the kind of feelings to which one could admit. I entered university at 18, finally finding other like-minded women, and soon engaged in my first physical relationship.

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