“When you embrace who you really are, the the life you really have, and the world as it really is, the result is freedom, creativity, and peace. A painter paints a great work of art not on a limitless canvas, but on a piece of parchment with defined measurements, say 30 x 40 inches. The limits give birth to the art.”
Our culture seduces us to push the limits, to become omnicompetent—able to do all things well. This path leads to frustration because it ignores who we really are and how life really works.
The better path is to face and embrace your limits. When you embrace who you really are, the the life you really have, and the world as it really is, the result is freedom, creativity, and peace. A painter paints a great work of art not on a limitless canvas, but on a piece of parchment with defined measurements, say 30 x 40 inches. The limits give birth to the art.
Here are 5 key limits (there are more) to face and embrace about yourself and others. Limits aren’t necessarily limiting. Knowing your limits can set you free. And limits change. All of the categories below can grow/change/adapt during the course of your lifetime. The key is to honor your current limits and pursue growth/change in a humble and realistic way, not in a way that chases our culture’s lie of a limitless life.
Physical Limits
You can make physical changes to yourself such as the following: gain or lose weight, build more muscle, dye your hair, take better or worse care of your body, get a tattoo, or undergo some kind of a surgery (some surgeries are healthy, some are not). Over five years I experienced and pursued a dramatic physical change: I went from being a 6’1″ 120 lb. freshmen in high school who was the worst player on our football team to gaining a lot of muscle and playing some college football at 230 lbs. We can change some aspects of our physicality, but the body and genetics God gives us limit us. If you’re 5’1″, you’re never going to play center in the NBA. If you’re 6’6″, you’re never going to win the Kentucky Derby. If you have light, sensitive skin you’ll never be that deeply-tanned Italian guy with slicked back hair in a speedo in the cologne ads. The sooner you embrace your physical limits, the sooner you can fully enjoy your physicality.
Historical Limits (or, Story Limits)
You didn’t choose to be born. God chose to birth you, and some version of a mom and dad produced your birth. You come with a history. There’s a story, a generation, that came before your birth. And there’s the story of your early childhood, events that happened that you couldn’t really influence. All of this is your history. It’s part of your story. And the best path is to embrace your history and let God redeem it, rather than pretend the limits of your story aren’t there. If you grew up without a dad and come from a generational line of absent fathers, you can’t change this reality and you will have “issues” in your teens, in your twenties, in your marriage, etc. because you never knew the safety and intimacy of being in the arms of your dad. Embrace the limits of your story, bring it all before our Redeeming God, and watch the art he will make of your life.
Relational Limits
You are a relational being because you are created in the image of a relational God. But you have relational limits. There’s a limit to your relational energy and how many relationships you can healthfully handle. I’m only just now starting to see this. I’m a pastor, which means my job is relationships. I have a lot of relational energy and I love people, I enjoy having a lot of relationships. This will always be true of me. But I’m bumping against my limits right now, discovering that I need to find a new way to be in relationship with God, my wife, my three sons, my local friends, my church, my friends in other cities, etc. I need to take a look at my relational limits, otherwise I will burn out and won’t be able to carry on in healthy relationship with those who matter most to me. We all have different capacities, different sized plates, when it comes to relationships. Take an honest look at your relational capacity and take some extended time to pray and think through your relationships, ask God (and a good friend) to give you wisdom on how to best approach your relational limits. Even Jesus had relational limits. He was intentional in how he gave time/energy to the crowds, to the 72-ish extended circle of disciples, to the 12, and to his inner circle of 3.