You may be struggling today with the fear and pain and questions that fertility issues can bring. My prayer for you is that my words will bring comfort. You are not less of a woman because you have lost a baby or have had difficulty conceiving. And you are not alone. You are surrounded by women who know your pain. But more important, God the Father is with you.
Recently I spoke with a woman who, with tear-filled eyes, shared about her recent miscarriage. She also expressed how shocked she’d been to find out that miscarriage is so common—that many women have miscarriages but few talk about them. Her account reminded me of my own experience with miscarriage and battle with fear and faith that followed.
Most miscarriages have few to no symptoms, but my first one was a different story. Early in the pregnancy, things felt off, and I became easily winded and dizzy. A few days after a worried call to my nurse, the bleeding began. I was home, by myself, and in excruciating pain.
When we first found out we were pregnant, we’d assumed that a baby would come nine months later. Miscarriage had never crossed our minds. So many of my friends were having babies, and it all looked so easy. So that miscarriage was a lonely loss.
Well meaning people said all types of things to try to encourage me: “You’ll get pregnant again.” “You’ll get to hold your baby in heaven.” “At least it was early on in the pregnancy.” I even had people ask about the baby months after the miscarriage. It felt like a never-ending reminder of our loss.
And then it happened again.
A few months later, thinking the chances of a second miscarriage were slim, we began trying for another. We were thrilled when I became pregnant again, seeing this baby as an answer to our prayers. And the pregnancy seemed to be going well. Then we had a routine ultrasound—no heartbeat. After the second miscarriage, I was given routine anti-biotics.. My body didn’t respond well to the medicine they gave me, which left me with a chronic stomach condition.
Fear and confusion took reign then in my mind and heart. How could I make sense of a sovereign and good God in the midst of this? Why could my friend who didn’t want children have them so easily when I couldn’t?